From the Executive Director’s Heart

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BITTERSWEET

We recently passed the mid-way point in our current Living Waters course, with nine participants and three leaders. This has been a bittersweet time for some, particularly due to the numerous issues we will address during our nearly twenty-five weeks together. The bitter can range from coming face to face with devastating memories, suppressed emotions, selfish attitudes and idolatry in many forms. As I have experienced in my own life and seen the same in others, when we allow the pain of past wounds to surface, things tend to get worse before they get better. Various means of numbing, denying, appeasing, escaping or expressing the pain (e.g.- pornography, anger, chemicals, work, food, isolation, shame, status), only serve to deepen the impact of the wound. Regardless of our chosen escape route, we must eventually address the past before we can move more freely forward! The past does not define us, God does; but many find themselves greatly affected by what one person has called “hereditary chaos.” NOTE: I am not saying that everything about our past was bad, nor is it our intention to place full blame on those who have wounded us. However, unless we identify, own and break this cycle of poisonous patterns, we will repeat them and pass them on to the next generation. Exodus 20: 5 warns, “And when I punish people for their sins, the punishment continues upon the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren of those who hate me; but I lavish My love upon thousands of those who love Me and obey My commandments.” Our choices do effect others and us for good or evil. Let me speak further to the ‘bad news’ or bitter before we move on to the Good (sweet)!

THE WOUND

John Eldridge, in his excellent book,  “Wild at Heart” addresses the wound as follows: “Every *man carries a wound. I have never met a man without one. No matter how good your life may have seemed to you, you live in a broken world full of broken people. Becoming a Christian doesn’t necessarily fix things. My arrows were still lodged deep and refused to allow some angry wounds inside to heal.” He goes on to say that, “ Men either overcompensate for their wound and become driven (violent men), or they shrink back and go passive (retreating men). Often it is an odd mixture of both…From this flows the false self, a pose, which is directly related to the wound.”  *(Though the author is addressing men, similar patterns can also be attributed to women. So ladies, you are not off the hook…)

THE IMPOSTER

In Brennan Manning’s life changing book, “Abba’s Child” he refers to the false self as “the Imposter.” “The imposter is a liar,” he says. “It prompts us to attach importance to what has no importance, clothing with a false glitter what is least substantial and turning us away from what is real. The false self causes us to live in a world of delusion. Imposters are preoccupied with acceptance and approval.” He continues, “The false self was born when as children we were not loved well or were rejected or abandoned. To gain acceptance and approval, the false self suppresses or camouflages feelings, making emotional honesty impossible. Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us.” He concludes, “The false self buys into outside experiences to furnish a personal source of meaning. Our false self stubbornly blinds each of us to the light and the truth of our own emptiness and hollowness. We cannot acknowledge the darkness within. On the contrary, the imposter proclaims his darkness as the most luminous light, varnishing truth and distorting reality.”

 THE ENEMY – WITHOUT AND WITHIN

I am not here denying the reality of our true spiritual enemy, Satan. He is extremely invested in attempting to hinder us in this process of being and becoming real. Among his many titles are Great Deceiver, Angel of Light, Accuser, and Destroyer. His job description requires him to do anything or become anyone, in order to keep us distanced from our true identity and destiny in Christ. However, we may have owned the false labels for so long that we are convinced we have become them, and Satan no longer needs to remind us. We in essence become our own worst enemy and can at times emulate the very one we despise; through pride, self-condemnation, fear and self-hatred… . The apostle Paul said in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”  This very real battle between our spirit man and our flesh, the world and Satan rages on. Thankfully Paul closes with this word of revelation and hope- “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

SWEET REDEEMER

With the false or unreal self somewhat understood, let’s move on to the desired goal; the true, real self. Andy Comiskey describes the true self as “the self that emerges in union with Christ” whereas the false self is “the self that is alienated from Christ.” Major difference, however the transition from false to true is easier said than done! As we so often remind ourselves and those who come to us for help, change takes time-healing is a process, a life-long process…. Along this course of reclaiming the true, ordinary self, we must grasp in our heart and mind one fundamental reality - the tremendous price that Jesus Christ paid for us by His sacrificial death on the cross. We have been redeemed! “Our salvation was purchased at a great and personal cost, for the Lord has given Himself for our sins in order to deliver us from them.”  As Romans 8: 1-2 strongly reminds us, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

AT THE CROSS

We no longer need to fall prey to the false labels, names and identities (e.g.- failure, pervert, worthless, hopeless, self-rejecting parts of our bodies or gender, etc.) we have been given or given ourselves. These do not truly define us. Comiskey again exhorts us, “our various struggles though real are not the basis of our true identity..God sees beyond our brokenness to the jewel of the true self, fashioned according to God’s design and wisdom.” This tremendous truth is beautifully portrayed in the song, “At The Cross;” “I know a place, a wonderful place. Where accused and condemned, find mercy and grace. Where the wrongs we have done, and the wrongs done to us. Were nailed there with Him, there on the Cross. At the cross You died for our sin, At the cross You gave us life again.” We can choose to remain where we are, or we can choose to press our wounds into the wounds of our resurrected Lord and Lover of our soul!

DEATH TO THE FALSE SELF = FREEDOM

Dying to old patterns, distortions and misperceptions about ourselves is absolutely necessary if we really want to be free. Dying to self does not mean neglecting yourself. “Jesus calls us to only put to death the false self and its ways.” As we embrace the risen Lord and the new creation He has raised up, He reclaims (redeems) our real selves and frees us to love who we truly are. 

Grace and grace alone sets the driven perfectionist, the wounded passivist and everyone in between free! When Jesus said from the Cross, it is finished, He meant it. I am overcome with gratitude as I allow this truth to penetrate my heart. I know the only way for me to fully possess Him is to allow Him to fully possess me. C.S. Lewis once appropriately noted, “Your real (true) self will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will (only) come when you are looking for Him.”

PRACTICING HIS PRESENCE

How then can we posture ourselves to receive this liberating lifestyle? Psalm 95: 6-7 beckons us, “Come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand.” This elicits a very intimate, peaceful picture for me. Worship can take on many expressions, but in essence it means “the redirecting of our affections and our adoration; a celebration of the worth or supreme value of God.”  Manning reminds us, “God created us for union with Himself: This is the original purpose of our lives.” “Who am I?” asked Merton, and he responded, “I am one loved by Christ.” “This is the foundation of the true self. The indispensable condition for developing and maintaining the awareness of our beloved is time alone with God. In solitude we tune out the nay-saying whispers of our worthlessness and sink down into the mystery of the true self..There we discover that the truth of our belovedness is really true. Our identity rests in God’s relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.”  Peter Jackson recently stated, “The most successful person on earth is the one who can receive love (God and others) and then give it away.”

SETTLED IN HIM

In her book, “Listening to God,” Joyce Huggett notes: “One of the desert fathers expressed it simply but powerfully. Into a jar he poured water and sand. As he shook the jar, the water became murky, but as he allowed the jar to rest, the sand settled to the bottom and the water became clear again. Using this visual aid, he taught his disciples that the pace people live their lives normally clouds their spiritual perspective. Those who dare to settle themselves into God’s stillness find that the water of perception becomes clear again.”  Do you long to know and be known by the very One who formed you in your mother’s womb? He is longing for you to come and be in His presence, so He can hold His precious child safely in His arms. Don’t keep him waiting any longer.   <><

In our next issue we will look further at the Father’s love and forgiveness.

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