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From Darkness Into Light
By Jenny Mumbauer
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"Those
who look to God will be radiant, no shadow of shame shall cover their
faces".....Psalm 34:5
I'm sure we've all heard the tale of
the frog who sits in a pot of water on the stove. Ever so gradually the
heat is turned up, and poor froggy doesn't seem to notice the
temperature change. He winds up being cooked before even realizing what
has happened.
Living in the "shadow of shame" is very
similar. The shadows tend to come in layers that creep up on us ever so
gradually. As each layer settles, our eyes adjust to the dimness. Until
like the frog in the pot, we suddenly find ourselves in an overwhelming
situation.
At least this was my experience....
I believe that the trauma of sexual
abuse during childhood probably brought about the deepest layer of shame
I would live under. However, over the years other shadow layers began to
settle over me as well.
Because I lacked healthy self honoring
boundaries, I allowed others to use and define me in harmful ways-
Because of a deep self hatred, I made
destructive choices to use drugs and alcohol, and misuse my God given
gift of sexuality-
As the shadows grew deeper, I adjusted-
accepting the lack of light around me as, " the way life must be" .
But God is good. And through a series
of events during my early forties, I began to realize how deep the
darkness around me truly was. For the first time, I was able to admit
how helpless and desperate I felt.
By this admission, I literally fell on
my face calling out to God for help.
I am so grateful that our Father's ear
is tuned to hear our cries, and that His passion is to rescue us. Unlike
the heartless scientist who stands by observing the demise of his
project, the One who stands beside us longs to intervene.
He not only heard my cry, but He
reached into my darkness, and slowly began to pull me out.
During this time, I would discover that
I had allowed the sins committed against me, as well as the sins of my
own choices, to block the light of my life, Jesus Christ. With the help
of Godly others, I have been working to dismantle these things; clearing
them out to allow His radiance to come.
The process has been painfully slow,
painfully uncomfortable, and just down and outright painful at
times......mostly because I tended to drag my feet so. But in the midst
of it all there has been an unexplainable joy that keeps me pressing
onward till I reach the goal of eternity.
W
Jenny has participated in Greater Hope’s
Living Waters and
CrossCurrent programs and now serves on
the ministry leadership team.
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